9.4.08

It's Complicated With...

It is very fashionable, these days, to be anti-Facebook. Fair enough. I’m sure the FBI has struck some data sharing deal with Zuckerberg Inc. to compile a database of all the freshmen at Oberlin who have posted Facebook photos of themselves smoking joints. So screw Facebook, I’m on board. But by complete accident I think Facebook stumbled on something insightful that, as of now, is misused.

I noticed a friend of mine, as I perused her Facebook page, selected Facebook’s “It’s complicated with…” option to describe her present romantic entaglement. I started thinking, doesn’t that describe every romantic relationship? Isn’t entering a relationship an acknowledgment that things with your partner are now so confused – he’s still sleeping with an aboriginal pygmy on the side, while you still live in your ex-boyfriend’s shoe-closet and things get awkward when the current amour stays over and the ex- needs his Air Jordans – that your choices are reduced to murder or an exclusive arrangement? Like Chris Rock said, “If you haven’t bought a bottle of rat poison and a carpet to roll their body up in and the only thing that stopped you was an episode of CSI – ‘Man, they thorough!’ – then you ain’t been in love.”

I mean, I’m in a relationship with my Playstation 3; I feed it video games, and it feeds me reduced brain function and low-wavelength radiation. But with a girlfriend? Unless you’re really in love – and you’re not, you’re 23, and you’ve never contemplated murder – what do you have to say to a friend who asks about your girlfriend or boyfriend besides a head shake and, “that shit’s complicated.”

Relationships are symbiotic. The shit we do? It’s just complicated.

1 comment:

Tara said...

You should start a dating advice video "column". You could be playing your video games while simultaneously fielding phone ins from the love lorn. You need not even give your thumbs a rest nor look away from the screen to advise the bewildered. It would be best if it was clear you were living in your parent's basement and had never had a relationship yet your advice was as transcendent and pithy as your lanky body sprawled indolently across a bean bag chair.