16.4.08

Rappers Makin' Money... Literally

Hip-hop trailblazer and Harlem's emissary to the world, Cam'ron, has, in the words of Kanye West, gotten "the shit to pop" once again. In a bold move by Secretary of the Treasury and gangsta rap enthusiast, Henry Paulson, a new line of rapper-designed United States currency is about to flood the streets. Already, finskies bearing Cam'ron's signature "purple haze" hue are in the hands of Park Slope 'tweens looking to trade the duckets for dime bags.

In a ceremony at the US Mint in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Cam'ron rolled up a limited edition $500 bill emblazoned with the rapper's visage and all-purple ornamentation and sniffed a line of that powder-powder with Secretary Paulson to commemorate the rare collaboration. Not since the Iran-Contra arrangement that used South Central dope boys to flood Los Angeles with crack cocaine, which in turn provided clandestine US military groups funding to purchase weapons for the Contras, has the government and the rap community put forth a united front.

Said Cam'ron of the moment; "Poochi, baba, butta got the hardest shells. We the Midwest gun cartel." Secretary Paulson, wiping the China China from under his nose, elaborated saying, "Our clams were getting clammy, Gods, so I brought in some outside consultation because at the US Treasury we've learned that pink polos didn't hurt the Roc, so maybe this input will prove to the world that a US dollar is useful for more than just wiping your ass widd'it." Cam'ron then threw on a pink faux-fur coat that ineffectively concealed two 5-gallon trash bags filled with newly minted bills, and left the Mint with a, "You ain't gotta stare, go cop a pair."

The innovative move from the stodgy and historically least-hip branch of the federal government, the treasury, includes more than just Harlem's first son. Ghostface Killah, Wu-Tang Clan luminary and enthusiastic vegetarian, will also contribute a line of custom bills to be named "Killah's Kash." An ebullient Ghostface said, "we gon' do Jacksons like we did Clarks, son. Woooot! Gon' be like, you want that blue and cream? Splash that, a little whateva, whateva, whateva. You set, shit."

Also involved in the project are Raekwon the Chef - whose all-white design is still getting the kinks worked out - Snoop Dogg, in charge of revamping the hundred dollar bill with a custom "Scratch and Sniff the Dogg" campaign, and king of crunk, Lil' Jon, whose bill does not have a prototype yet but All Al is told it will make "the sweat drip from your balls."

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